Today I turned 30.
If I am being honest, the months leading up to my “big day” have been much more overwhelming than my actual birthday, and I mean that in the most emotionally complex way.
For the past few years, I have imagined what today would be like.
For the past few months, I have been soft planning a full birthday “Hey World! This is me!” -esque re-introductory rollout.
For the past few weeks I have been asked “So, what do you have planned,” “What are you going to do for your 30th???” and told “You’re supposed to be doing (insert grand celebration that includes some form of being out of the country, hosting birthday dinners, photoshoots, etc.)”
For the past few days, I have had to sit with all of the feelings and thoughts as I sort through all the ideas of what my 30th birthday should consist of, according to everyone else who has or has yet to turn 30.
For the past few hours, I have answered many birthday calls and read many birthday texts that made me feel a tinge of what those giving birthday plan advice may have had in mind, and all of that has led me to this very moment:
Starting a Blog.
After sitting with the quietness of celebrating a birthday, solo in the comfort of my home with no grand plan, I had to take a moment to figure out, in all the birthday noise, what turning 30 means to me. Having experienced 20s that were full of learning, loving, listening, learning, and more learning, I knew that my 30s had to show me a different way of being a student of life. All the learnings of my 20s had to make up a lesson plan for my 30s.
I asked myself
What if the twentiness of asking permission was introduced to the thirtiness of giving yourself permission?
What if the twentiness of LONGING to belong was introduced to the thirtiness of knowing that living and being is the real belonging?
What if the twentiness of being whoever you needed to be to survive was introduced to the thirtiness of knowing that you want to authentically thrive?
What would life look like if you just went after everything you wanted?
It was there in that quick, profound contemplation that I realized what I want today to be. It was there that I learned (I’m sensing a theme here) that the magician moves the magic and not the other way around. It is there that I learned that a certain popular problematic brand was on to something when they said, “Just Do It.”
Here at 30 years old, I can now say that while I still don’t have the answers, I can and will take informed and aligned action.
Something tells me that today, this very birthday, ushering in a big age, should be a bigger deal
and frankly, I might be buying in to it.
Altar x A. Ekirra 